All I want
by pamy
Summary: All Clay wants for Christmas is one thing. He's never getting it. Clay/Sarah. I'm in the christmas spirit which is weird because it's actually new year please review.
1. Chapter 1

Title: All I want

Series: One tree hill

Character POV: Clay

Pairing: Sarah/clay

* * *

_All I want for Christmas is my baby. _

He hates Christmas. He hates the lights and the happiness. He hates the snow that falls from the sky. He hates the decorations. He doesn't get a Christmas tree. He's probably the only one in tree hill that has no decorations. He doesn't care either.

Sarah had loved Christmas.

She had loved everything about the season. Every single thing. He had loved watching her. She had looked so happy then. He hates Christmas. Because everything around him reminds him of her. He put up a tree that first Christmas without her. It was horrible. He'd broken down every time he tried unpacking the decorations. In the end he had just let it stand there. No lights. No decorations.

It just stood there. Bare. Lifeless. Just like Sarah. And him.

He tries to escape it. But it's all around him. He watches as Hayley and Nathan and Jamie decorate their tree. And he just stands there. He can't do it. He can't because all he sees is nothing. The realization that he's all alone. Jamie writes a letter to Santa. Filled with things he wants. Toys and even more toys. All children believe in Santa.

He had loved Christmas. Just like Sarah. He had believed in Santa.

If Santa existed. If he believed in Santa he would know what to ask for. If she was a better man he might ask for world peace or something. But he doesn't want that. A selfless man would ask for Nathan and Hayley to have a lot of luck with their careers. But he doesn't ask that either.

Sarah used to write a letter.

She didn't believe in it anymore of course. But she loved writing it nevertheless. She had always made him write one as well. They had always come out as extremely stupid letters. But they had fun writing them and it's all that really matters. He tried writing one that first Christmas. He had tried many things that year. _He had ended up crying on the couch. The same song playing in the background. Merry Christmas. _

He wrote one this year as well. But only because Jamie made them.

He could have asked for many things. But in the end he only wants one thing. _All I want for Christmas,_ he thinks,_ is Sarah back. _He only wants one thing. But even if Santa were real he would never be able to grand that wish.

_All I want for Christmas…Santa can you hear me?_


	2. Chapter 2

Title: last Christmas

Series: One tree hill

Pairing: Sarah/Clay

It hadn't snowed that year.

But that didn't slow her down. She loved Christmas. He watches her from across the room. He's never been that much into Christmas. But the smile on her face is enough for him. He watches as she walks around searching for the perfect tree _– and he can't really understand what she's looking for. They all look the same to him. - _ but he still follows her around everywhere. He would follow her all across the world. Just to make her smile like that.

An hour later he's angry at her.

Sure he understands that she wants the perfect tree. But did it really have to be the biggest one there? But she smiles and he can't stay angry. They spend the next day decorating that enormous tree. When they are done he looks around the room. And the first thought that goes trough his mind is _– it looks like Christmas threw up in here - _ but he doesn't tell her that. He tells her he loves it. She loves it. And he would do everything for her.

She reads the same story she reads every year.

And he's still mesmerized by her. He can see them doing this every year. For the rest of their lives. Sure he's never been one for Christmas. But she is and that is enough for him. It had started to snow quit suddenly. They hadn't really expected it. She had rushed out and he of course had followed. And what did it matter that he was freezing? She was so happy. So happy. And he rushed after her. And they'd spend their night throwing snow balls at each other.

Eventually they had sat down in the snow. Staring around themselves.

It was the best Christmas ever. _( of course he stayed in bed with the flu for the next week)_

Two years later. Exactly two years after that Christmas he finds himself looking at a white beach. And Nathan and Hayley sit down not to far from him. _And they don't know this but he had held Sarah like that once. _And sure he never liked Christmas. But he'd happily carry the biggest tree for her. And spend an entire day decorating. He'd happily end up with the flu in his bed. For her. But she's not here.

It snowed this year. It didn't matter anymore.

_Last Christmas they had been together. Last Christmas I gave you my heart. _


End file.
